Two Diagnoses, a Flat and Cake

A journey through ADHD, autism, letting go… and finding home

Home is where the cat… mat is | Photo by author

I’m having a little flatwarming tonight. Snacks, drinks, music, good friends.

What more do you need in life?

Cake.

Around the time of my autism diagnosis, I came across the idea of “autism cake.” A kind of birthday cake for your authentic self. Unmasked. Celebrating who you really are.

That resonated. Also, any excuse for cake!

Picking it up soon and wondering whether I should’ve ordered a bigger one… because there might not be any left over!

Or maybe two cakes? ADHD and autism?

Okay, now I’m getting carried away.

Ahem. Anyway…

It’s been a long road getting here. Not just the diagnoses, but also having my own place again.

18 months on the road living out of a backpack. Then a long stay at my mum’s. I didn’t want to be there… yet it turned out to be exactly where I needed to be.

Then a long and drawn out flat purchase running alongside my post-diagnosis journey of healing and reconnection.

Finally, I was ready to move on. Then at the point of contract and exchange…

A cladding issue. One my solicitor failed to spot.

So I pulled out.

But I’m still living here. Writing this from the flat. I’ve been here for five weeks.

Because while I didn’t buy it, I did rent it.

I lost nothing. I got what I needed, cut a good deal and got to move on with my life when I was ready.

I have flexibility and options. It was the best outcome.

Buying a flat turned out to be a “MacGuffin”, a plot device that moves the story forward but isn’t really the goal.

It’s not what I really needed right now. But it did let me navigate a complex situation with calm and clarity, and get exactly what I wanted. A test of my new capabilities.

It showed me I was ready.

So back to tonight: mirth, merriment and cake.

And well deserved. For me, for my friends and for all the versions of me I’ve had to let go of to find home again. Or maybe for the first time.

But home isn’t this flat. Or any other place.

Home is inside.

Home is a feeling.

I am home.

Update: a successful evening of cake and chats.